Hello and welcome! I agree, read, read, and read some more. Open up and get support for yourself.
We are glad you found us. This is a place of great support and helps you explore your own situations via other people in similar situations.
Keep posting and reading...you are not alone!
PS...I just started with a therapist who helps families in dealing with alcoholics. For a long time I wondered if my HFA was even an A at all. The other night I said he is more of a binge drinker. The therapist looked at me and just said, "That's another word for alcoholic. No matter what it looks like, no matter what you want to call it, HFA, Binge Drinker, etc...it all leads to the same thing, alcoholism."