As a Christian, I can relate to what you said. Our stories are quite different but whenever I get frustrated over the choices my AH makes, I think about the story in the Bible where Jesus asks a rich young man to give up everything and follow him. The man chose not to. Jesus chose to turn and walk away. He didn't beg, he didn't plead his case, he didn't force himself into this man's life. He accepted the man's choice to turn and walk away even though Jesus knew what blessings could be in store for this man if he would have just followed him.
I see this as a parallel story for those of us who are working recovery and our significant others (or addicts/alcoholics) are choosing a different path. My AH is choosing non-recovery, that is his choice. I can choose to focus on me and my own recovery and if he wants to turn around and join me, that's his choice too.
Jesus understood that humans have free will so he let the man be. I have chosen to let my AH be, too. My AH is where God wants him today and I must accept that if I am going to find peace and happiness in my own life. You can find the same thing, too. Accept your husband for who he is today, not for who you want him to be or for who he was before you married. I'm still working on it in many ways, but I find that acceptance is easier when I take the focus off of him and put it back on my own journey. HUGS!