Welcome, Heresto. I feel your pain. That vicious cycle of obsessing over drinking 24/7, even when I wasn't actually drinking, was unbelievably frustrating and tiresome.
I vowed to myself "never again!" at least a hundred times over, but excuses would pop up and I'd be back to my old drinking routines within days or weeks.
What helped me was going to an AA meeting. It was there that I met women who drank just like me, but had been sober for some time. I cried and I listened. And that was nearly a year ago, on my second day of sobriety.
If you really want this, you have to be willing to do anything it takes!