Notices

Day 2 of hopefully a lifetime of sobriety

Old 02-25-2014, 06:39 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto
Posts: 8
Day 2 of hopefully a lifetime of sobriety

I have finally come to terms that it is time for me to quit drinking. I have known I have had a problem for years but always had excuses. Weddings coming up, girls night out, birthday parties, then the excuses became more of "oh I had a bad day at work, my husbands having a few beers so I will as well, to all of sudden thinking of what the heck I will cut back next week I have already drank two nights this week so might as well start fresh Sunday. Only to realize I felt like crap Monday morning and when I got home from work started again and the cycle continued on and on week after week year after year now. I have a few days that I stop and once I stop I can go a longer period without wanting it or caring and actually feel good then I start one night and it all starts over again. I have had 2 episodes now of when I stopped I had withdrawals. The first time was just hand shakes which I pretty much got every day after I drank then my chest hurt and the very last time we went away this past wknd (for my husbands birthday) I drank about 16 drinks, Caesars, beers, draught beer and coolers. The next morning I felt ok but by 10 I started sweating getting the shakes really bad I tried hiding my symptoms from my husband. By night my shakes were so bad I couldn't even control it to hide it my chest was all tight sharp pains I thought I was having a heart attack. That night we stayed in and I feel like I pretty much ruined our wknd away I didn't want to do a thing I had a shower that morning and had 2 beers in the shower thinking maybe that would help stop the shakes, then we went out for lunch I had a few more I didn't want to drink a lot just wanted the symptoms to go away. I stopped after 4 drinks and it was still bad. Sunday we got home tried again to 2 beers I just thought it might be easier on my body then quitting cold turkey was in rough shape still. Monday at work I had the shakes so bad my vision was going blurry I kept feeling so out of it. I took vitamins and drank tons of water and thought to myself I can get through this. Now Tuesday am feel a whole heck of a lot better but not 100% and I know I don't want to go down that road again. I have 2 kids they never see me drink half of the time no one does, I have a shower and drink or do laundry and drink I bring my empties to work and through them in the bin so my husband doesn't know how much I have been drinking he thinks I have 2 beers with him after work but sneak a bottle of wine and coolers in on my own time. I am done with sneaking around feeling ashamed. No one suspects me of being a closet drinker I have always hidden it really well and too embarrassed to drink as much as I do in front of anyone. I am hoping that by joining this site and rereading my post whenever I have a drink will remind me of all the reason I want to quit. I want to be sober enjoy the person I am when I am sober and fight the demons in me telling me I need alcohol to have fun.
So here is to 2014 and making the change for the better!
Heresto2014 is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 08:09 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto
Posts: 8
I would also just like to post so you know a bit more beside my addiction. I have 2 kids under 4. I am a good mother I do not let the drinking interfere with their activities we have them in, My eldest plays hockey and was in gymnastics and swimming and my youngest is in swimming and gymnastics, I have never missed taking them to something because of my drinking I at least always had enough control to stay sober for anything they had. It was more of a closet drinker after work about 7ish when kids went to bed shortly after or on wknds I would start if I knew we had no plans. I am sure it has had some impact in cases I am unaware of but for the most part I have always taken them to the park, walks, bike rides. I know the drinking has effected my marriage as I am usually busy with laundry or cleaning and hiding my drinking instead of having quality time with my husband, not that we fight about it or argue its just after the kids go to bed I make myself busy with drinking and cleaning and he watches sports and is content. As well on wknds if we are staying home I play with the kids outside and drink and play and he usually takes turns. I came to my reality and really want to quit this time as I know how it can effect my family and the fact how I felt above I literally thought I was going to die or be hospitalized and could not face myself if I did that to my kids or husband and have been hiding it the whole time. I want to get healthy for myself first and my family second and remember the next day all the fun we had the night before and not wake up wondering what we did last night and not even remember falling asleep. I feel if I continue down this path and from what I read the withdrawals get worse and what I went through scared the hell out of me. I have wanted to quit for years as this has been an on going thing for over 12 years (sober when pregnant and breast feeding) and I think wow I have went this long and we go out and I have one drink after almost 15 months of sobriety and it spirals back to the same thing. BUT this time I am not using being pregnant or breast feeding as an excuse I want to do this on my own and I realize I can't ever have just one drink no matter how long I have been sober.
Thanks for reading and support, its really helping venting.
Heresto2014 is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 08:21 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Washington
Posts: 99
Hopefully you find the support and strength you need. Won't it be absolutely amazing to never have to worry about those withdrawals again.
12mancan is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 09:08 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Here, EH!!!
Posts: 1,337
What are you willing to do to get past this boozing it up problem?
matt4x4 is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 09:26 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
Welcome heresto. It doesn't sound as though you like your life very much at the moment.
So you have two options, either stay as you are or change something. You can definitely quit the alcohol if you really want to, just read some stories on here as proof it can be done.
I hope you can get some inspiration and hope here. Most people on here use either AA or AVRT to help or mixture of both. You can google AVRT to see if that may be of use to you.
I hope you stick around and get the support to quit the drink. All the best.
Toffee1 is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 09:29 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
firstymer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome, Heresto2014. I am glad you are here with us. SR has helped me stay sober for nearly 6 months now. I have received an enormous amount of support and helpful advice from the good people here. I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing.

Good luck.
firstymer is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 09:29 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
SeaScape
 
SeaScape's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: California
Posts: 313
hi Welcome
Congratulation on making it through to day two!!! Quitting is the best thing for your life so good for you for wanting to make the change. Your experience sounds awful and really scary - the good news is that you do not have to go through this again. You will thank yourself and your family will thank you. I don't want to be harsh but as someone who was raised by alcoholics I can tell you that children know more than you think they do and they learn their behaviors from their adults.

Want to sign into the 24 hour club- I am new and just started using it! I like it You might too
SeaScape is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 09:51 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
SillyString's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 183
Welcome Heresto2014!
Thank you for sharing your story here. I can relate to so many things you're saying. I tried to quit 4 yrs. ago, and I had 4 months, then started drinking again...for the next 4 years, every weekend. Ugh - madness. I thought I could handle just a few, or during my sobriety had been magically turned into a person whose brain doesn't just light up like an Xmas tree once alcohol is added. Needless to say, that didn't happen, and it was just a few weeks before I was right back to my old routine - which also included weekly blackouts, etc. Eventually, I started trying to hide my drinking from my husband. And the thing that made me feel most awful was that I was looking him in the face and telling him I was not drinking. I thought, how have I come to this? This is not who I am, or who I want to be. I think I crossed some line (finally) that made me have to look at this whole thing. Finally, that, plus the physical torture you describe (and yes, my experience is that the withdrawals do get worse over time...) finally tipped the scales just ever so much - so that I finally said enough. I'm on day 45 today, and honestly - HONESTLY - feel so much better mentally and physically, that staying stopped (so far) hasn't seemed very difficult. I am a bit afraid of being tempted this summer, though. Beautiful weather, and sitting outside has always been a trigger for me.

Anyway - HUGS - keep posting and reading - you'll find lots of great persecutive here.
SillyString is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 10:10 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto
Posts: 8
Yes I too was and neither of my parents were neglectful and were functional as alcoholics I guess it just runs in our family genes, but its only day 2 and I am hopeful reading some replies and posts I think this website will open my eyes and when in doubt I have something to turn to look at and remember why I joined in the first place.
I am thankful for all the posts and support,.
Heresto2014 is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 10:50 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Kaleidoscope eyes
 
KateL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Welcome to Heresto2014 xxxx
KateL is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 11:22 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto
Posts: 8
Thanks SillyString I am a bit worried about summer as well and an upcoming trip to Florida in the sunshine for 2 weeks but I will keep posting and feel confident in this new site to turn to when I feel like it to remind myself of how awful it is to go through those withdrawals and what I am missing out on with my family.
Good luck to you as well.
I am hoping day 3 gets rid of this fog, headache and awful thumping I feel like my brain is going though.
Heresto2014 is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 11:38 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,671
Welcome to SR! I'm glad you joined the family.
least is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 02:32 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
Hi and welcome heresto

try and not worry about things coming up - like you said there are always things coming up...there is never a 'good time to quit.

Focus on today - if you keep doing that I'm confident you'll be in a much stronger, and more secure position come Summer

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 02:38 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Goldcoastgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
Welcome Heresto - I am like you - once you started hiding and lying about your drinking you know that there is a line you have crossed. Wishing you all the best and hope you are feeling better today. SR is a great place x
Goldcoastgirl is offline  
Old 02-25-2014, 06:22 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 9
I see myself in much of your description. I hide drinking from my husband. I know what you mean about the trembling and heart palpitations. I have started drinking to escape those symptoms rather than to enjoy myself. It's no longer fun, and I feel like I'm a slave to it now. The only good thing about how bad I feel is that it is motivation to change. In the old days I just shook it off, and went on with my life. That allowed me to believe that I was in control. I'm only on my first day off booze, and I already feel pretty bad.
Marci23 is offline  
Old 02-26-2014, 05:47 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto
Posts: 8
Marci, keep up with it I am on day 3 and feeling so much better, I woke up this morning with a very faint headache but 99% better I feel like one more day and I will feel back to my normal "sober" self and you sure can't beat that feeling. Why I drink I have no idea I have this delusion it I will feel so much better after I have a few drinks and in all reality its the total opposite I feel so much better sober and I just have to keep reminding myself when the temptations are there to have a drink when a day is going bad or I am stressed that drinking wont make that feeling go away nor will it sober but to face the problem sober is the only way to move on from it and feel better the next day to boot!
Its only day 3 But reading others posts, support and advice I think I can really do this. Its nice to have an outlet for those off days and to know I am not the only one in that boat.
Thanks to all!
Heresto2014 is offline  
Old 02-26-2014, 06:26 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Velveteen Rabbit
 
LillianGish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Heresto ~ I am rooting for you, as a mom! I am going on 60 days sober, although I started in September. The best part is being "present" for my kids....followed very closely by not being sick with hangover all the time! I feel so much better!

There is a thread here called "Class of February." I joined the September class early on, and it has been a wonderful help to me. Everyone there was going through the same thing I was and it was great to be able to talk through stuff when I felt like drinking.

Quitting is really hard at first. It gets easier and more wonderful as time progresses. So, get ready for when it gets hard and you feel like drinking. Come here to SR when you have an urge, and read...read....read. That helped me too.

Dee always says make a plan.

For me, my plan was:
1) throw away all temptation - all alcohol was chucked
2) joined September class here at SR
3) when I felt like drinking, I took my dogs for a walk. We are all in great shape!
4) told my husband that I quit and to please support my decision
5) made sure I had a soda in my hand at all parties, so no one handed me anything
6) kept ice cream on hand - break glass in case of emergency.

And when that plan didn't quite work, adjustments were made.

A plan is good. Think about making one, because white knuckling it is really hard without one.

Best of luck and welcome to SR. You'll find lots of support here.
LillianGish is offline  
Old 02-26-2014, 06:56 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
shirlygirly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 166
Welcome, Heresto. I feel your pain. That vicious cycle of obsessing over drinking 24/7, even when I wasn't actually drinking, was unbelievably frustrating and tiresome.

I vowed to myself "never again!" at least a hundred times over, but excuses would pop up and I'd be back to my old drinking routines within days or weeks.

What helped me was going to an AA meeting. It was there that I met women who drank just like me, but had been sober for some time. I cried and I listened. And that was nearly a year ago, on my second day of sobriety.

If you really want this, you have to be willing to do anything it takes!
shirlygirly is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:21 AM.