So I joined a few months back and haven't posted in a while. I have been married for 3 years to my A, we have a daughter who is 2 together. We have been separated for 16 months, he moved right in with a woman 13 years older than him that he'd been having an affair with for about 3 or 4 months. My husband was sober for periods during our marriage but during the affair he was back in active addiction. I don't think he's stopped drinking since. In the last year, he and his fiance have lost custody of their kids (including her foster kids and grandchildren) and only have supervised visitation. My husband left the state with her for 6 months and has not seen my daughter since. We are still in the process of getting divorced he filed a year ago.
I have moved in with my parents and my 2 kids (my son from a previous marriage) Me and the kids are mostly doing well. I go to al anon meetings sometimes, work out, go to work and i've even started dating someone who is really really nice and a great guy. The issue is, I LOVE my husband. In learning about alcoholism, I know that my "addict" cheating husband isn't the real person that he is when he's sober. That person hasn't been back since he left, but I know that person is there. His family is in total denial about his addiction and they help him cover it up every chance they get. I pray every single night that he choose treatment and get into recovery so that we can be a family again. What the HELL is wrong with me??? When my new boyfriend kisses me, I feel disgusted, not because of him because I miss my AH and feel like I'm cheating on him. Why is this happening to me when i've come so far in understanding codependency and alcoholism?! I know I can't change him, that HE has to be the one to make the choice and there's nothing I can do or say that will help him!
Michelle