I see myself in much of your description. I hide drinking from my husband. I know what you mean about the trembling and heart palpitations. I have started drinking to escape those symptoms rather than to enjoy myself. It's no longer fun, and I feel like I'm a slave to it now. The only good thing about how bad I feel is that it is motivation to change. In the old days I just shook it off, and went on with my life. That allowed me to believe that I was in control. I'm only on my first day off booze, and I already feel pretty bad.