MG
Thank you.......you have very eloquently put everyone on notice that we need to "play nice".
I tried to explain this in a couple of posts in the last few days.....everyone has their own unique experiences and their responses are (and always will be) biased by their own experiences. Some have very limited exposure to addiction, some many years of exposure, others many years and multiple addicts (as you described in your post).
I know what has worked for me to help ME live with my son's addiction. I did what I had to do for me to survive a marriage (and divorce) from my XAH. That is my experience. There is nothing more heartbreaking than to be told (via insinuation or blatant statements) that I didn't try hard enough or my son isn't "smart" enough.....when the fact is.....I lost myself in his addiction and my son (and many of the addicts I know) is (are)
extremely intelligent. Addiction is a nondiscriminatory disease.
Thank you again for reminding everyone that each of us are at a different point in our experiences. Each of us has value to bring to the table. And casting disparaging comments, particularly at those who understand that they have enabled or are codependent, is unbelievably damaging. There is no shame in acknowledging what we have done and doing something to correct it.
Everyone has something to offer to someone. I’ve seen some loved ones recover, I’ve seen some loved ones lose their life, I’ve seen some in an endless circle of addiction for years. Some of us need advice on how to help our loved ones. Some of us need advice on how to break contact. Some of us need advice on how to live in peace even though we stay in contact. No one needs any judgment about the decisions they make and what they choose to live with. We do not have to pay the consequences for their decisions. They do.
I don't have skin in anyone else's game so the outcome of their situation isn't mine to own. The one thing I would encourage anyone new to this forum to do is to keep an open mind. I am once again reminded of a wonderful quote:
"'There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.'" - Herbert Spencer-
-and-
"A new idea cannot be grafted on a closed mind."
Thank you again for bringing this matter up......it needed to be said and you did it in a kind and eloquent way.
gentle hugs
ke