Heresto2014

I have finally come to terms that it is time for me to quit drinking. I have known I have had a problem for years but always had excuses. Weddings coming up, girls night out, birthday parties, then the excuses became more of "oh I had a bad day at work, my husbands having a few beers so I will as well, to all of sudden thinking of what the heck I will cut back next week I have already drank two nights this week so might as well start fresh Sunday. Only to realize I felt like crap Monday morning and when I got home from work started again and the cycle continued on and on week after week year after year now. I have a few days that I stop and once I stop I can go a longer period without wanting it or caring and actually feel good then I start one night and it all starts over again. I have had 2 episodes now of when I stopped I had withdrawals. The first time was just hand shakes which I pretty much got every day after I drank then my chest hurt and the very last time we went away this past wknd (for my husbands birthday) I drank about 16 drinks, Caesars, beers, draught beer and coolers. The next morning I felt ok but by 10 I started sweating getting the shakes really bad I tried hiding my symptoms from my husband. By night my shakes were so bad I couldn't even control it to hide it my chest was all tight sharp pains I thought I was having a heart attack. That night we stayed in and I feel like I pretty much ruined our wknd away I didn't want to do a thing I had a shower that morning and had 2 beers in the shower thinking maybe that would help stop the shakes, then we went out for lunch I had a few more I didn't want to drink a lot just wanted the symptoms to go away. I stopped after 4 drinks and it was still bad. Sunday we got home tried again to 2 beers I just thought it might be easier on my body then quitting cold turkey was in rough shape still. Monday at work I had the shakes so bad my vision was going blurry I kept feeling so out of it. I took vitamins and drank tons of water and thought to myself I can get through this. Now Tuesday am feel a whole heck of a lot better but not 100% and I know I don't want to go down that road again. I have 2 kids they never see me drink half of the time no one does, I have a shower and drink or do laundry and drink I bring my empties to work and through them in the bin so my husband doesn't know how much I have been drinking he thinks I have 2 beers with him after work but sneak a bottle of wine and coolers in on my own time. I am done with sneaking around feeling ashamed. No one suspects me of being a closet drinker I have always hidden it really well and too embarrassed to drink as much as I do in front of anyone. I am hoping that by joining this site and rereading my post whenever I have a drink will remind me of all the reason I want to quit. I want to be sober enjoy the person I am when I am sober and fight the demons in me telling me I need alcohol to have fun.
So here is to 2014 and making the change for the better!