Ha! I really feel like our stories are opposites of the same coin. Just last night I was ranting in my head about how I do EVERYTHING to keep the house and kids running smoothly (seriously, in 3 yrs he's never given them a bath). He has oodles of free time during the day to get work things done, but instead wastes that time and brings the work home. So all night he's on the computer or his phone and I'm still left holding the bag. And before I'd just drink so I wouldn't care anymore, just like you. Sorry, I needed a mini rant I guess!
Anyways. As I was ranting silently I remembered something my therapist told me one time. I have the power to write my own "screenplay". Pretend your life is a movie. Do you want her to come home and ask if she can help with dinner? Ask how your day was? Thank you for packing her lunch? Etc etc. once you have a realistic "screenplay" in your mind, then you have to share it with her. Avoid all the 'you never/always" and instead go with the 'I'd like/I need". Chances are she's not doing it intentionally (I don't know her but the possibility is she's not). We get stuck in our routines and tasks, and asking to change that routine is daunting, I know. I'm planning on having a talk soon with my partner, and the nice thing will be I can do it sober and not end up crying and making a fool of myself.
Good luck, we all deserve to be appreciated