I'm kinda new on here...I posted once and then didn't come back until now. My husband is a pill addict. He started using them while he was at work (long before I met him) and of course loved the high. When his mother died, it was the only way he could cope with her death (preacher's wife, no drugs, no smokes, no alcohol and died of liver cancer at 48). Hubby has bipolar and borderline personality disorder. He was taking between 10-16 a day. our first year of marriage, he hid it really well. He was stealing money from my account (he didn't work because of back and foot problems), he was stealing my hydrocodone, he was lying. It's like the mask of a wonderful person fell off revealing the demon's spawn. When we married I knew he liked them sometimes...I didn't know he was an addict. Over and over this has happened. Over and over the empty promises. Over and over the letdowns. When I did realize what it was, I tried to pretend and tell myself that he would never in a million years do that to me. We had to borrow and sell everything we could to get gas for me to go to work and to put just ramen noodles on the table. He would call his dad and say we needed tires or needed gas or groceries and take the money and buy pills.
We had it out before Christmas. I told him to leave. I have 2 children of my own and I don't want them to see me go through another marriage like with their father (drug addict, verbally abusive). I had never let them see me fight with him, but I couldn't hold it in. And it's been like that with the exception of about a 2 week period. I didn't make him leave, but we started seeing a marriage counselor last week. This counselor is also a mood disorder, BPD, and addiction specialist. I'm hoping it helps. He says he feels like a totally different person when this change occurs. He told me that he wasn't as attracted to me because I had gained so much weight. It's his fault. I'm a stressed/depressed eater. In the past year, I've gained about 30 lbs. He told me that I told him that he should accept who he was and that maybe this is what he was...an inconsiderate ******* who should be alone. He told me that he wanted to privileges of being single with the comfort of being married (to which I told him F*** YOU!).
We got our tax return last week and I pulled out $60 cash for his son for his 14th bday. That money went missing...we had a money order for $150 to send to his dad to put away for our savings (so he couldn't touch it). He told me he was mailing it and went and cashed it out (he's a Jr so they didn't question the name on the money order) and bought pills.
Two weeks ago, he said he was going to his dealers house and got around the block and decided to turn around. I am so grateful that he did that, but he got a friggin ticket for running a stop sign. I am furious that he would go down there knowing that our marriage is on the line. I told him last time there were no more chances. I told him he had to do it for himself and I would support him and do whatever he needs.
The kicker to all this is that he has major foot problems. He is going to have to surgery in a few months. So he actually does need the meds, but abuses them and abuses and uses me.
I am in between a rock and a hard place. How do I set the boundaries I need when he needs them? I have taken mine to work and I will bring home a certain number every day. But, I've done that and he still go get them on the side. Please help me...I am losing my mind. I was an unhappy, bitter, hollow woman when I met him because of my ex-husband being an addict (and over all a$$hole). Now, he's causing me to feel that way again. Trust is a major component of a marriage and I have none. I just don't know what to do...
