Originally Posted by
littlefish 
Blake you seem to be focusing a lot on the phrase "I am seeking help". From your posts, it sounds like the statement gave you a renewed hope and now maybe it is tormenting you that you may have acted too soon.
Well, just because someone says they are seeking help does not mean all the problems are going to be solved and there will a happy ending. We can't assume that.
Only 3 of 10 who leave rehab stay sober. It's estimated only 3 of 10 succeed in any program. The stats are depressing. And, remember she didn't say she has found help, or is starting with anything. "Seeking" can turn into a whole lot of nothing.
It is hopeful that she is acknowledging, but it may not mean she is going to act on it.
Thank you littlefish. I think you couldn't have summed it up better. That phrase was initially like magic to me, though with the help of the other replies I saw a bit more of what's going on in that letter, I believe. It's just hard - I never looked at this person as manipulating me, ever. I have taken days to internalize everyone's replies, which I'm so thankful for. On one of the most horrifying nights I ever spent with her, when her eyes were red and glassy and the effects looked more like how people on pcp are described, I cried on her lap and told her I'm losing her. It was the only time I asked her if she'd get help (this was long before I learned not to have 'talks' when they're drinking). She became alert and looked me in the eye and through clenched teeth said "I will never get help. I'll die before I ever do that." And then a tirade about the alcoholics she treats every day at her job at the inpatient rehab center. Telling me "it doesn't work. nothing works. i know all the secrets. i hear their meetings every day." So yeah, I don't know if she knew "I'm seeking help" would be super powerful to me, but it was.
To be honest, now that more smoke has cleared, 'seeking help' could mean a million things with her. It could mean talking to someone about her anger/violent tendencies, and leaving out the drinking as a topic. It could mean buying a book. I really have no idea what it means. My therapist believes that because of her past traumas and current drinking, her 'executive functioning' is sadly severely hindered, so your point about 'seeking' turning into nothing is well taken. I've seen that first hand in basic things like decision making and remembering things.
wackybunny - thank you. I'm a silent supporter of many many here. That brought a tear to my eyes.
Katie, Refiner, RB, Earthworm, AlcoholicLove - Thanks for making me take a second and third look at a letter I very nearly answered. I will just sit with it. Ofelie has written some amazing things (on my other thread) about no contact.
Firesprite - I absolutely am a romantic. Fine line between romantic and codependent I suppose (can you tell I just got a copy of Codependent No More lol). One of the ways I prepared myself to leave her was exactly as you described. She had already programmed me with this notion that everything happens for a reason, always talking about how we were meant to meet. She would refer to me as an angel that 'saved' her from destroying herself. I'm not so sure about that last part, but the saddest thought was the one that started to appear true - we were meant to meet so we could part ways with whatever we may have learned... I loved her enough to let her go.