tufchoices

I took in my homeless, unemployed son at the beginning of January. It didn't take long to realize why he was unemployed. He was drunk when I picked him up at the airport and he's been chasing the buzz ever since. Unfortunately we enabled him (reluctantly) because we wanted him to be happy, but we realize now that was a mistake. The other night I asked him to watch his brother and sisters for me so my husband and I could have dinner and see a movie on Valentines Day. We never get to go out together and this night was needed. We offered him $25 for doing it and he of course asked for the money in advance. He borrowed my car at 11AM to go "do something" before he had to babysit. He came back a few hours later, already drinking. Of course he was hiding it, but it was pretty obvious. By the time we left at 5:00PM, he seemed buzzed but capable. We figured he'd be okay (he's 6'5" so he can put down a LOT of alcohol) and the 6 year old twins go to bed at 7:00PM. We had dinner, saw our movie, and when we called at 9:30 to see how things were going, our ten year old daughter answered and told us her brother was sleeping in the twin's room. Passed out at 9:30! It gets worse. When we got back I realized he had stolen booze from our cabinet, stole money from my drawer, and bit his sister so hard, she has two bruises where his teeth were. And this isn't the first time he was physical while drinking. About two weeks after he moved here, we were all having fun, drinking and playing board games, and he got heated. He slapped his sister and I guess the mamma bear in me was awakened. I sprang to her defense and got in his face (tough to do at 6'5") and he pushed me away by throwing me across the room. Turns out this fractured one of my vertebrae and I will be in a brace for three months. I never got an apology, but he sure was interested in the pain pills I got in the hospital. I didn't do anything then because I blamed myself for getting in his face, but seeing those bruises on her arm, the missing money and alcohol, the constant fights, begging for money for booze, the constant anger after asking him to do ANYTHING but lay around and watch movies or play guitar, it just became enough. We told him that he could stay if he would change but he was clear that he didn't think he needs to. Everything that happens is not his fault. He chose to leave and we let him go. Of course he came back when he'd spent all his money, reeking of alcohol, asking to come back in. We had to tell him he made his choice. We bought him a plane ticket, packed his bags, and told him to leave. We couldn't trust him in our home again.

When does the pit in your stomach and the knot in your throat disappear...?