Samwitch I'm glad you posted. You are very much cared about. We're all here because we understand each other like no one else can.
I was scared to let go of it too. It had been part of my life forever - and I relied on it to cope. In the end it was only making me miserable. My anxiety was through the roof. The fun was long gone - I was way too dependent on it - and it was killing me. I kept going until I had no choice but to stop or lose my life. I promise you it's wonderful to be free of it. It sounds like you're ready to let go. We know you can do it. I hope you'll keep posting.