Originally Posted by
MissFixit 
Hi Katchie,
I think that for a man who sounds controlling in your relationship to all the sudden suggest separation is suspect for several reasons. Especially with the money deception, him going to shady neighborhoods and the fact that you guys have been tight on money. Something isn't right. Controllers don't give up control easily, like that. Quite the opposite.
Given that you cannot control him and you can only control yourself, I think the separation is a blessing to you and your boys. You will have the time to work on yourself and care for your boys. I highly suggest finding a job or an additional source of income not reliant on ah. There are many reasons for you to have you own income, it really is a good and positive thing to have: sense of pride/accomplishment, use your mind, good example for your kids, more money, you are not beholden to anyone for it (except your boss). If he is up to no good, then you will probably find out in the next few months of separation. I hope you get what you want, but in the meantime work on yourself.
HUGS!
There weren't any shady neighborhoods I found him in, just a really nice one. But it doesn't matter either way. To be honest, I almost feel like he's running at the moment. I could be wrong, but I'm trying not to put energy into worrying about it because youre right, I cannot do a thing to change him or what he is doing. I think some time apart will be good for us. What that looks like or how we do it, and when, I don't have the answer to. Im letting him figure that out. Im letting him tell his son's he's leaving and why -- with me present, of course. He gets to air his dirty laundry to them himself.
I couldn't possibly tell you all everything that we talked about in our 2 hour parking lot spill, but the thing that did stand out the most to me is that for the first time EVER he admitted to me that he believes he is an alcoholic. He's never ever said that to me. He also said he hates himself, that he is horrified at the revelation, but will work on it, will get a sponsor, and that he cannot promise me he will abstain. That's the most honest thing I've heard from him in a long time. I hope for him that this is the beginning of his journey to recovery. Praying.