Starting from Day 1
I threw away the wine. I picked up a mug of tea. I'm crying. I feel useless, like there is no one or no way.
Five years of my life, short, but long for 23. That's how long I've really been letting substances, particularly alcohol, run me. My medicine. To cure the social anxiety and to cure the roaring torrent of fears, the voices that tell me I am not good enough.
I don't feel like I can be a social human being without alcohol, or sleep, or quiet the deepest darkest fears of mine.
I'm alone. And I think it will stay that way for a while. I hope this time I can really do it, because I know that I'm about at the end, if I get back on the horse and keep riding it'll be a long time before I get off...hell, I'll crash first.
I don't remember the last night I haven't had a drink.
I guess, I need help, I need an ear, a shoulder, a something. Because tonight its all a lot to take in. And I feel one hundred percent alone.