kinzoku

I threw away the wine. I picked up a mug of tea. I'm crying. I feel useless, like there is no one or no way.

Five years of my life, short, but long for 23. That's how long I've really been letting substances, particularly alcohol, run me. My medicine. To cure the social anxiety and to cure the roaring torrent of fears, the voices that tell me I am not good enough.

I don't feel like I can be a social human being without alcohol, or sleep, or quiet the deepest darkest fears of mine.

I'm alone. And I think it will stay that way for a while. I hope this time I can really do it, because I know that I'm about at the end, if I get back on the horse and keep riding it'll be a long time before I get off...hell, I'll crash first.

I don't remember the last night I haven't had a drink.

I guess, I need help, I need an ear, a shoulder, a something. Because tonight its all a lot to take in. And I feel one hundred percent alone.

IOAA2

Hi. I can identify with you so much which finally caused me to put the drink down. Things were not going according to my plan to stop drinking and I needed the advice of the experienced people who were sober in AA. Most people trying to help and never went through the pains haven't got a clue including most physicians. I/we usually don't like certain things we may hear at our first meetings and fail to see the many years of success recorded by people who are sober with a lot of work on themselves. As stated "it works if we work it."

BE WELL

Goose1

Welcome Kinzoku. First and foremost, you are not useless. The alcohol makes us feel and think that way. Alcohol is an evil spirit and is what makes you feel dark inside. Your crying, your taking action, your sharing, your socializing, your not alone, your hope has begun the healing and there is a way. At first, we all feel overwhelmed, but trust me when you decide to put the booze down forever, it will get better one moment, one day at a time from that day forward. Breathe, deep breaths, bring yourself back to the present and live in the moment. If I can do this, I know you can do this! Oh my goodness...23, you have so much to be grateful for. You are so smart to realize the alcohol is controlling you at such a young age. You have an entire long life in front of you. You did good coming here - may you find peace ! You can and do this...

GracieLou

I understand. I have been there many times. Alone and feeling like there is no way out so I just drank again. All that fear and lonliness seemed lighter when I drank, sometimes to the point that I was not sure what I was even upset and crying about in the first place. It is like it all faded away, until the next time. Each time got harder and harder to fight off that gripping fear and anxiety. That deep lonely feeling of being stuck in a trap.

There is a way out. I promise you there is of you just reach out. Pick up the phone and call AA. They will help, if you let them. Alcoholism is progressive. It does not get better or easier.

I drank for 26 years, I am almost 11 months sober. It took courage, strength and willingness but there is only one step that I had to take alone and that was the first one. Make the call. Go to a meeting.

hollybear

I feel your pain very much right now as well I have used alcohol as a coping tool for social anxieties, and pretty much every other uncomfortable emotion I have ever felt. I am only on day 2, and can commiserate. Just know you're not alone! I am trying to remember that it is alcohol that makes me feel this way and that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. We can do this!

KateL

Welcome and I'm glad you joined. There is plenty of support to help you find a good new life xxxxx

matt4x4

Just stopping drinking is never enough. Alcohol is a symptom of a much larger, deadlier problem and it centers in the mind, in the way we think.

FeelingGreat

kinzoku, feel very proud of yourself for picking up the mug of tea. Lots of us started drinking for social anxiety but it got out of control and made things worse. Hang in there.

BoozeFree

Welcome. You'll find lots of great support around here. Switching to tea is a great start! I first got serious about getting sober 4 yrs ago at 23 also. I've had some slips but sobriety is the best choice I've ever made! In the newcomers section there's a class for the month of February with people ego are just getting sober you might wanna check out. I've also found writing in a journal has helped.

Dee74

How are you doing now Kinzoku?

D

kinzoku

Day two is going well Dee, I posted about it (accidently) in newcomers.

Thank you all for your support.