EmmyG-
He might only drink occasionally, but I bet you hold worry about his drinking using all the time? I know I did. I did not cause his drinking
That was the hardest thing for me to let go of in my relationship and the best freedom now that I have. I would have had to do that even if (especially if) I had stayed with him or I would have lost my mind.
My hope and dreams were based on his potential. So much so that I did not see my reality (I was scared all the time).
I used fantasy to try to escape my reality. Dreams of moving, dreams of if something happened to him, dreams of his stopping drinking. Though they helped with short-term escapism they honestly kept me stuck longer. I did not marry someone else, I married my ex.....all my wishing and hoping could not make that different (though it did not make me a bad person either).