Originally Posted by blake1989

Thank you Halo. I'm sorry that you are in that 'enemy phone' territory. The two or so weeks I had of it felt like months. I did change my number. It felt, and still feels so extremely cruel. The same phone we said our I love yous on, all those texts, pictures together that I purposely am not reviewing. When she would black out, she often would say 'I'm broken.' I thought I had to be the only one to hear such things in a relationship.

I want to share something with you that someone wrote to me. I don't know very many people at all in my area, so SR and my therapist are a massive component of my support network, plus my friends in far off places. But I have 1 very compassionate, wise friend at my job who has heard about my situation for months and gently suggested it was not doing me well. He is the one who offered to let me stay with him and his family after the breakup. I'm sure he wouldn't mind my posting this, so consider it just another reply to my/our situation. It is just another way of saying what has been said many times here. Sometimes it is good to hear things in different ways when we are still enmeshed and 'attuned', as my therapist says.

'Stay true to your plan of action.
Don’t torture yourself by reading/listening.
She will move on…it just may take a little while. You are doing what you need to to insulate yourself and you need to keep doing it. Do not give her the opportunity to engage.

Under other circumstances, I might have suggested means to dissuade her. She is filling all the empty air with her desperation, frustration, and attempts at blind manipulation. I don’t think you would succeed in dissuading her though…her hooks into you are too strong and any engagement will only feed the monster. She is way too savvy at sucking you back in…your anguish over what you have read/heard attests to that. Send everything to her, immediately with no discussion. Every action you take should serve only to disengage further.

She is poison for you at this point. In any compromise between food and poison, it is only death that can win.

You can hope she gets help and has a healthy relationship down the road, but that cannot be you. You could never trust that she changed, and I think your history together makes it impossible for her to fix herself with you. You tolerated way too much.'

Still. It is easier said than done. One day at a time. We tried to the point of exhaustion, you are right. I have to tell myself that my words may not even be received if I did engage, and they could ignite a new firestorm, the nature of which I cannot fathom. I can still feel the fire raging in the distance. As Spiderqueen says, it would be months and months before she'd be healthy enough to receive my thoughts and feelings. I don't know what 'i'm seeking help' entails for her for her, but I pray for her.