My AH has been sober since the 3rd. The day that I told him there was ABSOLUTELY NO trust left between us because he had shattered it all, must have (in all hope) struck a cord in him. He started buying Diet Pepsi. He used to drink that a lot when we were first married, but probably hasn't for the last 10 years or so.
I keep looking for signs of him sneaking or stashing and eating mints to try to cover up..but I haven't found any signs. I don't know whether my heart leaping with hope is a good thing or not. So many hopeful moments have been crushed before
And Im not sure if I should feel guilt for the "looking for the signs part" either.
Yesterday he had to come into town to hit the grocery store, feed store and the hardware store. Usually a day with those errands would mean a smuggled six pack and a stashed carafe of wine. So, naturally yesterday while at work I thought and dreamed the worst scenario...a lonely night with him passed out in his recliner by 7pm.
I came home a little guarded of course. To my ultimate surprise...there was a 12 pack of diet Pepsi on the counter. I tried to hide my feelings of guilt at what I was thinking all day, but then I thought "NO, I'm NOT hiding my feelings because they are justified from past experiences!"
I asked him if he had struggled through the day and you know what?.... he looked me in the eye and said "I knew you would think that I had a Bad Day and yes I struggled, but I'm good....really".
So there went that soaring HOPE in my heart!!! He even told me that he isn't angry that I felt that way. Could this really be the husband I married so long ago? Not sure what to think today.
But for now...I'm just gonna let the hope ride ............