"Magic Sauce"
Feeling blue? Anxious? Bored? Hate your boss? Hate your ex? Well LOOK NO FURTHER! Magic Sauce will take ALL YOUR WORRIES AWAY INSTANTLY!!! I'm sure you've heard about it! Everyone is doing it! Shy? No worries! You'll be the life of the party in NO TIME! House falling apart around you? After a sip of Magic Sauce WHO CARES? Want to make that extra special occasion even better? Magic Sauce can DO THE TRICK! Magic Sauce comes in a variety of flavors and strengths too! BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Don't forget about Secret Sauce! Shhhh it'll be our secret... no one will EVER KNOW how much fun you're having!!! Both Magic Sauce and Secret Sauce are sold at billions of retailers around the world. That's right, BILLIONS! Head on down to your local Magic Sauce retailer and let the worries float away TODAY!
WARNING: No guarantee that no one will know after using Secret Sauce. Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, upset stomach, diarrhea, general dyspepsia, tremors, headaches, dizziness, seizures, blackouts, amnesia, loss of bowel or bladder control, insomnia, night sweats, irritability, anxiety, depression, mood swings, poor judgement, loss of coordination, esophageal varices, liver cirrhosis, liver failure, heart failure, kidney failure, brain failure, jaundice, bruising, throat cancer, stomach cancer, loss of family, loss of job, loss of income, loss of brain cells, prison time, fetal alcohol syndrome, death and dismemberment.
Magic Sauce: Let your worries FLOAT AWAY!!!