(((saffron))). Lotsa hugs.
You had fifty...50....FIFTY!!! SHOUT IT OUT!!! FIFTY days of sobriety!
For all those days (WEEKS!) you did without your essential lubricant you use to grease the wheels of life. I want you to congratulate yourself on that marvellous victory.
Now then...you slipped. You did what alcoholics do - you drank.
And then you got sober and posted here.
Very few people sober up, find AA, and stay sober the rest of their lives. You're not alone. When (not if) you go to a meeting and share what happened, you'll find lots of support and similar sharings. Little or no condemnation.
Go to a meeting. If a doctor told you your kidneys had failed and you needed dialysis twice a week, guess where you'd be twice a week! I'm suggesting your own best thinking failed and you need meetings. Whatcha gonna do?
Grab on to the slogans. Repeat them often: one day at a time; live and let live; first things first; think, think, think; but for the grace of God...
"If I think, I won't drink. If I drink, I can't think."
There's only two results of untreated alcoholism: insanity or death.
I've been sober in AA over sixteen years. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.