Hammer,
When I was a kid I was learning how to water ski. I did not manage to get up the first time, but I did not let go of the ski rope. For some reason one minor event sums up one of the biggest problems I have in life. I am not wise about giving up or letting go. Despite being absolutely waterlogged and banged up, I hang on for some seriously wrong reasons. Any rational person would drop the rope, get the ski tips above water, and let the boat circle back into position for a fresh attempt.
How many times have you tried to make a go of it? This is my third round. I do not have a fourth round in me.