Had to think about for awhile, and as usual, Daughter is correct. Turns out she has developed a whole new array of tools for Managing Mom -- WAY beyond Alateen, developed from her own studies while being the Social Scientist of the 6th Grade Class.
I have been watching her run test cases on it for the past couple of months without even knowing it.
OK, I hate to beat a dead horse, but I will anyway.
I also grew up "managing" the unstable adults in my life. I know she's in Alateen, and that you're really working to put your kids first here. I respect that, but why is an 11 year old compelled to manage/dodge her mentally ill mother's moods? Yeah you guys are getting really good at detecting and deflecting it, but it's still there.
I understand that you all want your family unit to remain intact. Would Mrs. Hammer have any compassion for this? Is there a way you could approach her without setting off the trip to Crazytown? If you went to her and said "Baby, I love ya, but your crazy is royally f-ing our kids out of their childhoods because they are having to do X, Y and Z to cope with your bs." (Maybe with a touch more diplomacy than I've mustered here).
Wishing you the best, no matter what. Thanks for posting.