I agree with everyone...50 days is TOTALLY AWESOME! YAY! And your post has helped me tremendously--it's something that I needed to hear. I just started a new job and I've become so self-invovled in it, that I'm letting my recovery slip. I haven't gone to a meeting it feels like in years, and I know I need to get my act together.
Yes...it IS like being possesed and if you're not careful, that demon takes over your soul in a blink of an eye. You made it back, so don't be so hard on yourself. Right now you need to be gentle and kind because I'm sure you're feeling pretty bruised and battered enough as it is.
Congrats again on your sober time and welcome back!!!
Danielle