I think jjkjlklj has a charming ring to it.
you mentioned it being like an abusive relationship - that is the epiphany I had the day I stopped. I was tired of everything too and realized alcohol was not good for me, that I was essentially abusing myself - both mentally and physically - most every time I drank. I'm not going to tell you it's easy to quit, but I can tell you it does feel better (x20 million) to not pummel myself day in and out and to finally start caring about myself. Welcome, j!