I feel like my story will be your story in a few short weeks/months. I wish I could offer something to you but right now all I am living on is that I finally understand I cannot make my son fight for the life he is losing nor am I responsible for his happiness or choices. It is hard when they are young ( mine just turned 19). You just don't want their mistakes to be lifelong or to cost them their lives
I am sorry for your pain. It is ok to fall apart....just get back up.