heading back to square one with my son. need strength.

Old 01-29-2014, 07:17 PM
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Heartstone,
Big hugs to you tonight and in the days to come. While I know you must be upset right now, I am so inspired to read the support you have here--what a wealth of experience, strength and hope! I hope that even in despairing moments you can take in a tenth of the love that's here for you. It will carry you, I promise. We each have so many struggles, and we all feel so alone and isolated sometimes in our days...but never forget that you are among friends here.

We may not have walked the same path, but we are sure familiar with the scenery!
Much peace to you.
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Old 01-29-2014, 07:53 PM
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Thank you all for your posts tonight. I know they were all meant for heartstone (as they should be)...but I wanted to tell you that your words have lifted me as well. How fortunate we are that despite the horrors and sadness of dealing with addicted loved ones we have this avenue of support. I am forever grateful.
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Old 01-30-2014, 03:28 PM
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Heartstone:

If your son was sentenced to 5 years, he'll probably do 2-1/2 years. That is if he has good behaviour.

In this time hopefully he'll take advantage of all their programs. I don't know where you live, but I know my son not only got his GED, but HS diploma as well. He also attended the NA meetings.

I remember when he left, I cried so much my eyes were sealed shut! That was the first time. After that I knew he'd be ok. I was sad, but relieved. He said it wasn't as bad as county jail. I mean it's not a place you would volunteer to go to, but if you haven't a choice then got to make the best of it.

They put them in minimum security too!

Now is your time to get the help you need so when he comes home, you'll be much stronger too.

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 01-30-2014, 09:16 PM
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My son was sentenced to 5 years in prison and served 9 months. He also attended the meetings & church services regularly And he finally got his GED at the age of 37. He has such a wonderful sweet heart & always has had and also is Non Violent & never has been.

I know how this feels as a Mother. I'm sorry that you're having to endure all of this heartache & fear, but one thing that I have learned is that We are alot more afraid for them than they ever are. I finally, after years of horrific torment, told my son that he knows that I love him, but he must really like this alot more than I do, because he keeps doing it, but I Hate living like this & I don't want to do it anymore, so I choose Not to spend my days like this anymore and I walked out of his hospital room.
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Old 01-31-2014, 07:58 AM
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NinaKay

Wow, how'd that happen? I mean getting sentenced to 5 years and only serving 9 months. Your calls to the Warden must have been more effective than mine were. LOL Remember??

Why was he in the hospital? Is he ok now?

Sorry, didn't mean to steal Heartstone's posts, just curious.

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 01-31-2014, 09:30 PM
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Dev, my son got time counted off for time served. They added several of his jail stays together & came up with quite a bit of time-served. He also got some knocked off while there for good behavior & prison over-crowding plus closing down some of the privately owned prisons here in Texas. And yes I do remember your calls to the Warden. LoL !! I made so many calls to The Warden Above that He got so tired of hearing me say my son's name that He made sure He got him out of there as soon as He would allow. LoL !!

My beautiful Son has been in & out of the hospitals literally dying the most painful horrible deaths without actually drawing his last breath, too many times to ever count since he was 19 years old & now he's about to turn 38. He was always so extremely healthy and then we got a call that he was extremely sick so we rushed home & took him to the ER with chronic vomiting so that he was extremely dehydrated. After a month of in & out of the ER & hospital stays & lots of tests, the Drs told us that it was because of bingeing on alcohol, then to make this a shorter story, after years of that he traded alcohol for drugs & it turned into bingeing continually on marijuana. The Drs told him & us, each time that he went to the hospital that if he did it again, he would surely die, but he continued. So far we haven't had an episode since he got out of prison in June of last year. God has been very merciful.
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Old 02-01-2014, 03:45 PM
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Hi NinaKay

OMG, I got chills reading your post. I never realized your son was in such a state. How scary for you and for him. My son was so lucky that he didn't burn his brains out, although I do believe his memory is not as good as it should be for his age. I'm sure the drugs took their toll on him too.

I am so happy that he is still doing well after this much time. Almost one year now!! I pray he continues on this good path. Isn't it wonderful when they finally stop! They are different people aren't they?

My son said a funny thing the other night. Apparantely he tried to call and we weren't at home. He tried the cellphone but I don't always hear that either. He couldn't reach us all night. When he finally got a hold of me he said, "where were you, I was so worried!" then he said, "but, then I thought, oh well, if they're in jail they're in jail!" OMG, funny!

He has a funny sense of humor!

You're right God is good! He knows best too! He does things on His time, not ours! Darn wish I had more pull! LOL

Hugs and prayers to you and your family
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Old 02-01-2014, 05:32 PM
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I too bailed my son out of jail only once and have regretted it every since. That was years ago but it was a terrible mistake. He promised the moon, recovery meetings, rehab, living by rules...and he wasn't out an hour before he was looking for dope again.

Some of the posts here just melt my heart. I have walked with Dev in recovery for years and what she has experienced would break most moms here, but she made it through it all, she survived and thrived and just look at her today. And today her son also thrives and is doing well. I think our children do better when we stay out of God's way.

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Old 02-03-2014, 12:16 AM
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Hi SR, I want to thank you again all for your kindnesses, you have helped me so much. And no worries, devastated, you didn't steal my post! I like reading anything anyone wants to share. I haven't been around here in a few days and wanted to let yall know I'm okay and it's getting better each day. After the hearing, I was just numb for a couple days and tried to stay distracted. Sometimes it takes me a while to process things, but I have come to terms with the 5 year sentence for my son. It was his consequence for his choices. I'm breathing easier and feeling calmer about it. I do hate it for him though and wish things were different.

The lawyer says he could be out in less than a year and she has asked the county to consider keeping him in the county jail, but that's a longshot. I was surprised to hear many of you say that the conditions in prisons are better than county jails in your area. Where I live it's just the opposite, small town with a brand new jail. People joke that it's more like a hotel than a jail. My son is hoping they let him stay, but he says he's prepared for prison if he goes. Wherever he is, I just want him to be safe.

Thinking ahead, I wanted to ask those that had kids in jail/prison for months or years, did you let them come back home when they got out? I've learned that to be paroled, you have to have a detailed plan of your living arrangements, so I know it will be an issue. On one hand, he'll have paid his consequences, he'll likely be clean, he'll need help. On the other hand, he usually stresses out the family, hasn't done well here, and I wouldn't like parole officers searching my home whenever they want. I know not to have an active addict in the home, but letting him home after a year of prison is a different situation and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.

Thankfully, I have plenty of time to figure it out, and I know which way I'm leaning right now, but I wanted to get your ideas and experiences on what you did or would do when they get paroled.
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Old 02-03-2014, 10:17 AM
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Now I can hear you breathe...

I think moms think the same way....you are already foreseeing the future of "when he gets out."

I still think sober living should be an option. He has opportunities for support; sobriety; and self sufficiency to build his confidence. He will need this on the outside. He will need to build himself up and gain confidence as a man.

Doing it in your home hasn't worked. You can still be supportive for the sober adult but from a distance.
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Old 02-03-2014, 11:21 AM
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Heartstone:

My son did not come back to our home. He had a girlfriend all through this. She was a great gal to stick by him through all of this. He did so great for a long time, I mean really great, but then they broke up and he used this as an excuse to do it again!!

The last time he got out he went into a rehab! When he got out of the rehab, he went into a sober-living environment. That was hysterical too! It was an apartment he shared with two older men. I think one must have had the beginning of Alzhemeirs (sp?) He would come home from work just in time to see the old guy "piddling" in the corner. He tried to stop him, and head him in the right direction, but it happened over and over.

My son, being such a "neat freak" went nuts and had to get out! He never even would sleep in the bed without first buying three mattress covers! OMG, reminds me of when he was in prison and complained about the thread count on the pillow case! Oh how we laughed about that one!

Remember, that one Ann!!!

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 02-03-2014, 11:57 AM
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Yup...there are definitely different quality sober living homes just like there are different quality rehabs. It pays to research them out.

Wow...thinking you are going to a sober living and having an elderly alzheimers man whizzing in the corner...that's horrible!

In my husband's line of work (social work),he had a caseworker call him and say that a client living in a "safehouse" (which means they are a threat to themselves if not under constant supervision), was crapping in the wall. Yes, he was tearing out the drywall and crapping in there. The landlord just had a company come in and keep patching the wall up w/out cleaning it out b/c he did not want to lose his tenant....or his funds...if you know what I mean. So gross! By the time my husband was called to go over there he had to wear a resperator to go inside. Good times...good times.

And the complaint on the thread count of the jail pillowcase...bwaahhh!!! Hilarious.
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Old 02-06-2014, 01:55 PM
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I feel like my story will be your story in a few short weeks/months. I wish I could offer something to you but right now all I am living on is that I finally understand I cannot make my son fight for the life he is losing nor am I responsible for his happiness or choices. It is hard when they are young ( mine just turned 19). You just don't want their mistakes to be lifelong or to cost them their lives I am sorry for your pain. It is ok to fall apart....just get back up.
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