Blake, something that I put into practice was learning how to observe the behavior , I imagined him inside a circle and myself outside the circle, it was a way of detaching. When I looked objectively at what was going on in the circle I was shocked.
My x was bpd, the things you write are so familiar to me, all I feel is sadness for you, this situation is very difficult. Are you reading at all at the bpd forum. It was very helpful for me, I never joined but I did go on the forum as a guest and read a lot in the Leaving and detaching section. You will see your story everywhere.
If there is a place you can go, with friends or family that feels loving and safe, try to make that happen, it will be a reminder to you that there are people and places that are safe, emotionally comforting, and happy. At the end for me, just sitting with my Dad watching a Red Sox game gave me amazing comfort. We didn't even have to talk about it, what was amazing was I had forgotten how to be peaceful. I really had to retrain my brain. The chaos of my relationship had rendered me literally detached from the real world.
Please try to get yourself to safe and comforting places, eat good food, get outside in nature, try to get some sleep in a place that doesn't feel unsafe.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, it was a long road for me, but today, I can look back on it and see it was what it was, I feel like I literally dodged a bullet.
Sending love, Katie
Ps. chaos describes it perfectly.