Hammer, years ago when my xah was on a binge he did something awful and when I confronted him with the question of "how did you think I would feel about this?", his answer was "I never gave you thought." He didn't say it being nasty, he just gave an honest answer (which didn't happen often) he did his own thing without any thought about anyone else. Your wife sounds very much like him as well. Post after post here is talking about Compassion on the SO, but what about showing compassion for ourselves and those who depend on us?