Originally Posted by
Hammer 
Hmm, guess I have made (another) crazy mess of this thread, so I might as well continue on it . . . .
Trying to make some sense of what the kids and I have been through this last year.
This is about all the Lying that got the "Lack of Compassion" started -- Pondering this over on bpdfamily.com, but any here that may have some insight, I would more than welcome your thoughts
Btw Hammer (here, me) is the same as Somewhere (there, as in Somewhere Over the Rainbow).
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Is "Paint You Black" Lying a Form of Abuse?
Hammer/Somewhere:
okay.
This is a really ******** question.
Searched a few times just so I could avoid asking it.
The "paint you black" lying.
Is that a form of abuse?
Thanks.
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MR: I think that's a very reasonable and very valid question, not ******** at all. Often wondered the same thing myself.
I guess if it's used as a form of manipulation it could be considered as emotional abuse.
If it affects you professionally or your reputation then it can be considered as slander.
A really good question to ask
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Hammer/Somewhere:
not too concerned regarding Slander, etc.
After a while most folks seem to figure out it is nutty.
I guess my question is more like intentional culpability.
I understand that it is the product of a crazed mind. I get that.
But is the intent to harm others / *us* or are they just trying to "make up facts" (lying in less kind terms) to match what they may be feeling?
I guess in my pondering -- if it is just crazy stuff from a crazy mind -- it is sort of like a Noble Savage thing.
HOWEVER, if it is done with the intent of harm -- it is abusive?
Dunno.
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MT: They paint you black, but the lying about you part to friends, family, co-workers, therapists etc... Is called a smear campaign, villification campaign or distortion campaign and can be forms of baiting, projection, and proxy recruitment.
Is that what you mean by painted black lying?
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Hammer/Somewhere: Yes. (and thank you for refining and much improving my question)
Is THAT Abuse?
I think campaigning against you is abuse.
I have written about this before, but my ex and his wife did a BIG smear campaign against me after I found out about them cheating. It was a demonization and vilification of me to ANYONE who would listen. It has affected me professionally and personally and my therapist at the time asked if I wanted to sue for defamation of character. I did not as I am the daughter of a lawyer and know how those cases tend to go down and no one gets away unscathed. I also believed and it seems to be true that their crazy is revealed to others over time. However, some people are crazy too and accept their crazy.
Is she just lying about you or lying about your kids? If she is lying about your kids, they need to be away from her ASAP. If she is just lying about you, they need to be away from her at some point. It is really unhealthy and damaging for them to grow up with mom trashing or demonizing dad to people.