Originally Posted by
Woodman123 
I am so distraught that my only apparent option is to leave... Sure, I know I can stay in the marriage, that is, if I am able to detach and carry on with my life. But, I am not wired that way. My whole sense of well being in a committed relationship is that there is... commitment, trust, honesty, reliability- from both sides. And, that's simply not the case now. So, again, the ONLY option I seem to have is to leave. And sadly, that seems like the only way to show her I am serious and give her the "keys" to her own life- however she chooses to drive it. But, the closer I seem to get to this reality, the more upset I get about the loss- never wanted to fail as a husband- this truly WAS the woman I wanted by my side late in life... never wanted to fail my kids in keeping a family together. This disease has already taken so much... sorry for the self-pity party. Thanks for all the wisdom shared by you all.
Woodman, you haven't failed your kids. I've had the same worry--failing them. What I've slowly figured out is that I fail them when I do nothing. I fail them when I teach them that it's ok for a parent/spouse to behave/be that way. I fail them when I don't show them how to take care of self when faced with living with an addict. I fail them when I don't learn how to deal in a healthy way. I fail when I don't open the door of communication with my children & I fail when I don't protect them. You have not failed or failed your children.
I'm so sorry you're in pain. I know it's so hard. I'm having to think if doing the same thing. This, all of it, was not in my life plan with my spouse either. Sending you big hugs.