Wow! Our stories are so similar and reading your post was like reading my life!! I started dabbling with meth to get the house clean. I was a single mother and worked full time and just had no energy to deep clean!! After my boy's dad died (he OD'd), I went in head first into the meth world (yay me, kids dad OD's, so go do meth!!). And although I didn't put in but about 1 yr into the daily addiction, it ate me and ate me FAST!!! I just didn't want to deal with the pain. Mostly the pain for my kids, and second the pain I felt for me. I wanted and chose to be numb, but before I knew it, meth had it's talons in me! It too was when I finally looked in the mirror and LITERALLY didn't recognize myself (and at this point, my parents intervened with child protective services and removed my children) and said enough!!!! I was being evicted from my house that I lived in for several years, my kids were taken, I had no job and no money. My car had been wrecked by a friend and was totaled. Who the hell was I?!? I will never, EVER, EVER forget breaking and stepping on my pipe and dumping the rest of my stash in the middle of the street, as my things were loaded to move. And I drove away and NEVER looked back. I got rid of all contacts and "friends", deleted all phone numbers and never "swung by" to hang out. I am now 8 years sober, just this December, and it still feels like yesterday that I was consumed with meth. I still get a craving every now and then, but I remember the life I lived (and the come down) and refuse to go back!! You can totally do this!! Stay strong and remind yourself, DAILY, why you're choosing/chose to walk away!!! Your mate wouldn't have wanted that life for you anyway!!!! Stay strong!!!