Are you kidding me?
I continue to be amazed at the power of this disease- extracting all rationale thought and logic out of its victims. My wife just left detox #6, rebuffing any notion of inpatient rehab or IOP (yes, major red flags). However, she was put on anti-craving medication this time, so I had some glimmer of hope. Well, not 24 hrs later, she restocked her hidden bottle stash, and has been quickly consuming.
Heartbreak, just continual heartbreak. I know that she's not "ready to quit" , and others have commented as such. But I truly wonder, what does that mean? Surely she's physically sober (as of the detox), and medication, going to AA (last night), and knows the physical and emotional toll its taking on her and the family. Yet, she still cannot help going to buy that next bottle? What the ****???? What is the trigger here? She has always been so incredibly strong of mind, that I just don't understand why she won't acknowledge her craving, and do SOMETHING... ANYTHING to fight it. In fact, i noticed the ATM cash withdrawal (her typical low dollar amount that's used solely for booze purchases) within hours of being home from detox- so she was already 'planning' it stepping in the door.
This time, I did not argue about going to rehab, or doing anything else. I am finally at peace with not trying to control her or make her get 'better'. But, it just reinforces the sadness that I am probably going to be forced to end this marriage, because I will not continue to live like this. And, somehow, she seems oblivious to this coming end point.
Peace all.