Indecisive
Ruby2,
That is EXACTLY what I am right now. The screaming lunatic, angry, raging, frustrated, paralyzed to make a decision. Yes, that's me. And NO I do not like it at all. It's not who I am and not who I was raised to be.
I've made appointments with Divorce Mediators and can't work up the courage to sit down to talk to him about it because I don't want to discuss it while he is under the influence and I never really know if he is or he isn't.
I also don't want to traumatize my children and want to make it as painless (if that's even realistic) as possible for them. And I am scared. Scared to make the choice, afraid to be the bad guy in my children's eyes. They view my husband as a good Dad and he is, but they don't understand alcoholism and under these circumstances if I file for divorce I will certainly be the monster.
This is all why I want to continue to go to Meetings, seek help for me and try not to make any radical decisions until I've thought everything completely through.
getting advice and hearing stories from those who have been in my shoes is really a great comfort too. Knowing I am not alone is comforting.