Hi Regina,
Welcome. As Least said, Join the Friends and Family forum. The people on the forum provide a wealth of support and advice.
I have been in your shoes. With husband losing his job due to drinking and drugging, draining the accounts to support his habit, me panicking about scrambling to pay bills and juggling them all. I've had the feeling that you described in wanting to scratch his eyes out because you are so angry that he is doing this and he comes to you for affection (although I always felt like strangling mine instead of scratching his eyes out). I certainly didn't want to be intimate with my husband. At all.
Yes, this is/was me. Exactly. And it is understandable that you are angry. And resentful. I felt like I was sinking and here my husband was telling me that things would get better, put the bills on the credit card meanwhile give him twenty more dollars to get high or buy beer. I also looked at myself and wondered what I was doing to cause all this.
I didn't cause the problem with my husband. You did not cause the problem with your husband either. You aren't forcing your husband to drink and my armchair assessment from what you have written is that he is an alcoholic. And he has promised you what you wanted to hear - that he will get sober and he hasn't done it. He continues to drain your resources. It will continue and will most like get worse the longer he is drinking. This is what I did...
I kicked my husband out. I work and make enough for us to get by. But with him NOT working AND taking money out of my accounts I did not have enough money. Christmas was miserable. I was always, always worrying about money. Worrying about what was going to happen next. My husband went out on Christmas Eve, drinking and drugging, and didn't come home at all on Christmas. I told him he had to find someplace else to stay - that I could not longer have him at home. I couldn't deal with the craziness anymore.
Now, just five weeks later, without him draining our accounts and without me having to pay for his car insurance, gas, credit card, etc. I actually am making ends meet and have been able to put a little bit into savings. It has been extremely liberating that I can do this on my own. I don't know what your financial situation is. Whether you are working or not. Asking your husband to move out could be an option. It doesn't sound like he is giving anything back for all that he is taking.
It doesn't have to be a permanent move out. I am not even sure I am going to take that step. I just needed some room to breathe and not have to worry all the time. Sounds like you might need that too. You can do it. It can be done. And a p.s. - I also started reading the book co-dependent no more. That has helped me too.