I'm new
I'm new to chat rooms so bare with me. I joined this Forum because I have finally braved my first Alanon meeting and attended my 2nd meeting last night. It's funny how my higher power speaks through these people. Each meeting so far has spoken volumes to me and now I feel confused.
My alcoholic has the disease but have the real problems in our relationship stemmed from ME and not him? He is not physically abusive but I swear sometimes I really feel emotionally and mentally manipulated.
My alcoholic lost his job months ago and hasn't found a new job yet. We are officially a month behind on all our bills now and every time I am in the middle of trying to figure out how much money should go toward paying which bill this month he goes out to buy more alcohol leaving me struggling with bill paying. He has drained our savings account so far to buy alcohol while he is jobless and has now moved on to our checking account. I can't help feeling the anger and resentment toward him for not caring enough to stop drinking so I can pay the mortgage or support our home.
Accepting I am powerless is very difficult right now. I can't seem to get past all this anger, resentment and loneliness.
I thought marriage was supposed to be teamwork and partnership? I am on one side of him trying to have a semi-"normal" life and alcohol is on the other side of him pulling him in the opposite direction.
Should I not pay the mortgage and lose our home? Or do I not pay the electric bill so we can't watch TV or my son can't play Xbox? Our children are growing out of their clothing by the day and I can't keep up. But he certainly doesn't feel guilty about withdrawing money to support his habit.
Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble.