Please do not expect change from him. It sounds like he has no plans to change, so that will be up to you!
I am trying so hard not to expect change, but there is a part of me that thinks he will. I really need this advice to keep my head on straight. I am also glad for the wording about not letting him drive the kids. When he's with they boys usually one of them drive. They both know not to let him drive if they even suspect him of drinking. Although I have told them to drive anyway. They both have their permit and need to practice. He very rarely has the girls, but I will used your words with him anyway. I did tell him I doubted he would drink and drive, but I do want to make sure. If I didn't I would blame myself horribly if something happened.
maybe step one for you would just be to reclaim some semblance of a life for yourself? Something separate from your AH & children & their related activities? Could be a part time job (which would help you gain work experience and provide some additional income), a class, or just some sort of fun group that has nothing to do with your AH, children, or alcoholism?
JustAGirl: Part of my problem is that I don't know what that would be/look like. I did have a part time job for a couple years and I did enjoy having that most of the time. Then my oldest moved back and I am watching my grandson while she works. With her hours she would never be able to find daycare. She does pay me and I think I am going to start putting that in a savings account. Since I handle all the finances (except his spending, ugh!) AH wouldn't even know.
I don't know what I could do for me. My therapist has told me the same. She asks what I like to do and I can't think of anything other than play with my kids. I don't have any money to do anything else. I can't think of anything else. But you are right, I have lost myself over the years. AH hasn't stopped me at all. He would love for me to have something for myself. I wish I could think of something. Maybe I will look at the tech college. My mom-in-law took pottery classes there awhile ago. Not my thing buy maybe there will be something else
I had my babies and, of course, they took all my time. Then I homeschooled for 14 years, but put them in public school when a major crisis hit. Now they are old enough for me to be me. I have no idea what that looks like. Everyone says to take care of myself, but I have trouble doing that when it comes to being healthy. I feel like such a loser
