nearing divorce
(tried to post this once, apologies if it is a duplicate)
My husband has been sober for 7 years, we've been together for four, married for three. So I've never experienced him drinking.
His mood swings and anger are getting increasingly worse, and I'm very close to filing for divorce. I'm looking for some advice on whether I can realistically expect him to change, or any insight on what is going on with him.
We've been in counseling for three years for his anger and my response to it (sadness). His triggers are primarily dishes and lights. He will literally walk around the house and inform me of the lights I have left on that he turned off. One time he unscrewed all but one light bulb in my bathroom as a lesson. He gets angry if I leave dishes in the sink. He does not practice what he preaches. He leaves more lights and electronics on than I do, and constantly leaves dishes out. So I know this is about power/control more than anything, and it really hurts. I am so tired of walking on eggshells. It is always something. The other day he said I had a problem "taking direction" because I did the dishes but left them out to dry on the counter, instead of putting them away promptly.
So that is what the day-to-day is like. We separated for 5 months recently after he was swearing and yelling at me, then threw my breakfast across the room in front of our son. It was the last straw for me. He's been back for two months and it's getting worse/seems to be escalating. We have so much to be thankful for, and I have no idea where this is coming from. The other night he became explosive very quickly over a tiny bit of powder detergent that spilled on his jacket while I was doing laundry. He began yelling, swearing, etc. When he came home his reaction was unusual because he actually apologized and said he didn't know where the anger was coming from. He said he considered getting loaded because he felt it was the only way he could deal with me. As far as I know he has never relapsed during our relationship. I can't live like this anymore or expose my children to the yelling. I'm 8 months pregnant. I'm afraid he will relapse if we divorce, and I am so hurt over the prospect of breaking up our family. His nurturing and loving side has kept me going.
I have no idea why his behavior is escalating like this. I have told him I would leave if it continued, and he said the other night he wouldn't blame me if I did. He is in AA and seeing three counselors.