When an addict starts messing with their own meds that is not a good thing. I advise against that....always. Addict or not really, that is what a doctor is for. I will say my AH's Dr. switched up his meds and one made him very angry and hostile. He read up on it more and found it to be a side effect for some. He called his doctor, she told him to stop taking it right away and switched him back. It took a couple weeks to get out of his system but what a relief. He is not normally an angry person like that, it was miserable.
I suggest you work out a plan for yourself to get out. Figure out what you want and set small goals to get yourself there. I also recommend counseling with a counselor who specializes in addiction and meetins for support.
One of the things I tell my AH is that he needs to get his own support system, that is not me. I am way too close to his situation and need support myself. I cannot be that for him. That is what meetings are for, should he choose to work a program he will have a sponsor that can help him work through this.
Keep posting, it will help to get it all off your chest, but make sure you have face to face help too. And lastly, remember the safety and wellbeing of your children are #1...always.
God Bless!