There are men that are a danger to me. They are driven, intelligent, witty. It is always their mind that catches my attention first though I like them lanky. I was totally enthralled with one of these types at my work 10 years ago. My AH knew this person had captured my attention and it was ugly.
Of course that meant I was not getting witty stimulation among other basic needs from my spouse. He spent most nights drinking while I've continued to be a seeker. I am trying to be patient now and remember he is learning how to live without 'his best friend'. I have lived and grown a lot in the past 20 years without numbing alcohol, so mentally I'm ready to dig in and get some marital counseling. He's not ready. It is frustrating to be still at such different places in recovery. But honestly there are issues I can work on in the meantime on my own.
But when I heard one of my types had gotten a divorce, I stayed far away and made a mental note to never take a job where I would work directly with him. Available MIT engineers that run make me run the other way. And when one of my types appeared in my usual Al Anon group I knew it was time to find a second group. Best to avoid temptation when you are vulnerable and haven't had physical intimacy for quite awhile. I have a 20 year marriage to systematically assess. My spouse is my best friend, but I was Codie enough to put up with 20 years of a relationship triangle where drinking out valued me. Best to figure this out in my current relationship and see what will happen than crash and burn with another. But there are definitely moments when I wonder about alternatives. I wish I knew of more couples who really make it through because I could use some modern fairy tale endings to keep my faith.