I need to get out. I know this. I've known this for a long time, but I keep trying to tell myself it could and may get better if I just hold on a little longer.
But it just keeps getting worse.
My sister is in town. AND my niece! She's 2 and a half, and just about as cute and perfect as they come. And she loves me, even though I see her about twice a year. She's not shy around me at all. She lets me sing to her but hates when her mommy does. I haven't seen her in 6 months. I've been anticipating this visit since before Thanksgiving. I showed people pictures of her @ work all day, and was determined to have a good day no matter how things went, because no matter what - when it was over, I'd have 4 glorious days off. I'm a CNA and my days at work can be very busy and demanding.
On the ride home I was talking to my best friend and told her I thought my BF was likely drunk because it's Thursday, and he had nothing to do. I walked in and could tell immediately that he was drunk. Then my phone rang.
It was my ABF's baby momma's soon to be Ex-husband. Does that make sense? He asked me if my BF had been drinking today, and I said that I just walked in and there was a puddle of **** on the kitchen floor so...yeah.
He then went into this big long-winded story about how his (soon to be ex) wife wanted my BF to bring her his child support money out today, but he said he couldn't because WE (he and I) wanted some 'alone time'.
Remember I'm at work...
Apparently, if you do child support through the county, the county takes a cut so they're just doing it on their own. Baby momma thinks that's BS, so they're doing it their own way. My BF doesn't keep receipts for any of this and just pays her cash, so if she wanted to, she could say he hasn't paid her jack ****. Stupid, but not my problem. Right?
Anyway, she knew he was drunk and called him on it, and then somehow recorded a conversation they had over the phone. I think he's maybe considering taking her to court for custody because she's moved the kids in with her new BF. (Mike #2) She's had 2 BF's since breaking up with her husband, and they both happen to be named Mike. Weird huh?
I keep asking myself HOW did I get myself in this? I'm really not this type of person! I grew up in a small town in the Midwest with 2 older sisters and Middle class parents who separated 2 weeks after I graduated from high school. (u think they were staying together for the kids?)
My parents weren't drunks and I never really knew what an alcoholic was until I met my BF. His parents were both drunks. He used to cry about it. Now he's worse than I remember them being.
I'm sorry this is so long. I'll admit that I've had 3 large glasses of wine with my sister, and I'm small and rarely drink and I know this forum is against drinking but I kinda think it helped me think about things.
My sister offered a few months ago to help me with a deposit on a new apartment, even though she and her husband are looking to buy a house and trying to save. Tonight she told me that my best friend (and only other person who really knows what's going on) emailed her asking for her advice and help.
This makes me so sad.
I've tried so hard to make this work, but I just can't fix it. I don't know what he's going to do without me, but I also know that I'm enabling him - maybe preventing him from getting help. Maybe the best thing for both of us is to separate. The thing is, my parents have more money. His parents have none. I have a support system. He has nothing. He has a **** dead-end job, and dead-beat parents. I feel like it's my job to help pull him up, but instead he's just pulling me down.
I want to have kids someday. I just turned 29 this month, and both my sisters had their first kid @ 30, and when I was younger i actually thought that was old.
I work with a girl who is like 45 and dated alcoholics and finally met the right guy and got married but can't seem to have kids. It's too late for her. She was pregnant last year and lost the baby.
I don't want that to be me, but I'm such a wimp. I have a self-esteem problem and I need help.
I've always needed an extra push to try new things, and always thought I wasn't good enough. Please, if anyone has any words of wisdom, they are welcome.
I could use all the help I can get.
