Originally Posted by
Lulu39 
You sound like [you are just about a full-on nut-case yourself,] Hammer. Just [freakin nuts].
You are allowed to do fun stuff just for you. You do know that, I hope?
This recovery thing doesn't mean one must concentrate on it 24/7. It infiltrates most everything I do, but it doesn't dominate. You only get one shot at this life.
Fixed that a little, I suspect.
The guy in the mirror can get a little intense sometimes.
In the Army I picked my "job" by the hardest, longest school. So I had to do the top in that. College major and studies the same. Same on being a "perfect" officer. It is hard on me, but only seems to be hard on me, and gives pretty good results for those around.
Really no joke about the nickname of Only 2 Speeds thing -- Hard and Harder.
But no, really no. IF something needs to be done, there only is hard and harder. All I really have to work with is me. And for better or worse, that is me. At least for now. My acceptance.
My first Steps Sponsor was too easy in that regard. Not blaming him, at all. He gave me a practice motto -- "If a job is worth doing, it is worth doing Half-Ass" -- with the good intent of calming me down.
But it really just not fit, and I fell off the Steps doing Half-Ass.
I have to be like the pig going to breakfast table -- yunno that allegory? The Chicken contributes to breakfast (eggs), but the Pig is fully committed (bacon).
Just the nature of the guy I am dealing with. I will get through the Steps by June, re-evaluate life then.
But thanks so much, Lulu. Yunno I really value you in my life.