Thanks everyone. Like I said, I'm just figuring out what I want to do. Today I'm going back to work after pretty much a 5 day binge and I'm terrified about how I'm going to feel in a few hours. The worst part is that I had a major assignment that was due yesterday and I pretty much just blew it off. I has intended to work on it since Thursday and each day I basically just said to myself "tomorrow" and started drinking which gave me the courage to blow it off. Now I have no choice but to complete it today and I'm hoping I can make my brain function.
Another question I had -- what did you tell your friends about your decision to stop drinking? For some people, I'm sure many of your family/friends knew about your problem. For me...being single, living alone..I pretty much have been able to hide the amount I've been drinking from everyone. My friends that I go out with, they see me drinking the same amount as everyone else...they don't know that I had a few strong drinks before going out in order to not seem like I'm sucking down 2 vodka sodas in the span of their one (which is what I would want to do if I didn't have a few ahead of time).
I've casually brought up in conversations that I want to take a break from drinking...try to not drink for a few weeks. Usually the response is "yea, I should do that too. But sometimes I just want a glass of wine when I come home from work, you know?" I just nod and pretend to agree...and of course not mention that my "glass" is a bottle and 1/2, or 1/2 a liter of vodka.
Another question (I'm sorry, I'm full of them) - what about my physical health. The amount that I've been drinking, does it make sense to get some sort of physical? I had one about a year ago, and of course, lied about how much I was drinking...I don't know that they did anything other than just regular tests. Would something like liver damage show up?