I'm sorry to read that too Serotonin.
I really think the best thing would be to go out and find as much support as you can - find people call when you need them...or at least learn to post here - learn to reach out and ask for help?
also....find some medical support for the depression, OCD, and the PTSD you suspect you have.
Really put all you have into making changes and not ending up here at this point again.
D