Well I did it!! I put on my big girl panties & attended my first meeting.
I walked down the church stairs & saw a friendly dog at the bottom, in front of a room with lines of chairs. After a few minutes of waiting, I clued in and realized I was in the AA meeting. oops.
I headed across the hall & entered what is normally a daycare, with two women sitting at a table. The very friendly facilitator found me some newcomer materials, then sat down & introduced herself & welcomed me. That's when the tears started. I had a lump in my throat for most of the meeting after that, and didn't say much.
In total there were about 8 of us. A range of ages, ethnicities and situations. I noticed how calm they all seemed, and at peace.
It was a lot of reading, we took turns reading the steps, reading the traditions, and reading from books. The topic of the day was the first step, so each woman said what it meant to her.
I was trying to stay present & really hear what everyone was saying. And a few things really stuck out to me. And sometimes I got lost in my own thoughts & fought back tears.
The hour went quickly and after a quick chat with one of the ladies, I was heading out the door. And on the drive home, I felt content. Mostly it just felt nice to be face to face with women who were compassionate and not judging.
I think I expected more discussion & instruction. I need tools and direction on how to deal with the emotions and conflicts that have and will happen for as long as I decide to stay with my abf.
Maybe that will come in time. Maybe once I'm more comfortable, and able to open up and contribute, their wisdom will be offered.
I'll definitely go back next Monday. I'll just take it week by week and do what I need to do to find some peace.