First AlAnon meeting tonight

Old 01-20-2014, 07:43 PM
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First AlAnon meeting tonight

After coming home on Saturday night to find the abf had finished the bottle of rum he was 'saving for company', then tried to hide the evidence, I have decided to finally try an AlAnon meeting.
I wasn't sure if I would tell him. I didn't want a negative reaction, like anger, or resentment. But we live together now, and had no explanation for going out at 8:30pm on a Monday night. I'm usually fairly up front about my feelings and thoughts anyway.
After making a joke - 'yes, your drinking IS becoming a problem', then trying to brush it off - 'I'm sure you'll find it's (his drinking) not such a big deal', he changed the subject & got back to his beer & video game.
I suppose it's the best reaction I could hope for.

Now on to building up the courage to walk through the front door. And trying not to walk in already crying...
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Old 01-20-2014, 07:48 PM
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How did it go? I'm trying to work up the courage to go to an Alanon meeting too. It is hard with the two girls and their activity schedule to try to fit it in, but I really do need to go. I need some support and some sort of understanding.
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Old 01-20-2014, 09:29 PM
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I went to my first on on Sunday. What did you think?
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Old 01-21-2014, 11:58 AM
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Great thread.

Just Go.
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Old 01-21-2014, 04:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Hammer View Post
Just Go.
Hammer's got it. Just like that old Nike commercial: Just do it.

All it will take is an hour of your time. And this thread might encourage you to go: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...n-finally.html

Eager to hear what you folks have to say after your first meeting; please do post and let us know, OK?
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Old 01-21-2014, 07:23 PM
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Well I did it!! I put on my big girl panties & attended my first meeting.

I walked down the church stairs & saw a friendly dog at the bottom, in front of a room with lines of chairs. After a few minutes of waiting, I clued in and realized I was in the AA meeting. oops.
I headed across the hall & entered what is normally a daycare, with two women sitting at a table. The very friendly facilitator found me some newcomer materials, then sat down & introduced herself & welcomed me. That's when the tears started. I had a lump in my throat for most of the meeting after that, and didn't say much.
In total there were about 8 of us. A range of ages, ethnicities and situations. I noticed how calm they all seemed, and at peace.
It was a lot of reading, we took turns reading the steps, reading the traditions, and reading from books. The topic of the day was the first step, so each woman said what it meant to her.
I was trying to stay present & really hear what everyone was saying. And a few things really stuck out to me. And sometimes I got lost in my own thoughts & fought back tears.
The hour went quickly and after a quick chat with one of the ladies, I was heading out the door. And on the drive home, I felt content. Mostly it just felt nice to be face to face with women who were compassionate and not judging.
I think I expected more discussion & instruction. I need tools and direction on how to deal with the emotions and conflicts that have and will happen for as long as I decide to stay with my abf.
Maybe that will come in time. Maybe once I'm more comfortable, and able to open up and contribute, their wisdom will be offered.
I'll definitely go back next Monday. I'll just take it week by week and do what I need to do to find some peace.
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Old 01-21-2014, 07:30 PM
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First go-round, once a week was ALL I could handle.

Super Job!
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Old 01-21-2014, 11:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Rijjer View Post
I'll definitely go back next Monday. I'll just take it week by week and do what I need to do to find some peace.
This is the main thing!

When I first started, I went to 3 different meetings each week. I shoot for 2 a week now. If you have more than one meeting that's near you, you might find a lot of benefit in attending each of them a couple of times and finding the one that's the best fit for you, or deciding that there is more than one that you want to attend regularly.

The flavor of various meetings can be quite different from each other. I've attended Buddhist-based meetings, one that used the AA Big Book, one that works from "Pathways to Recovery", and many that just follow a format each month of step, topic, tradition and open depending on the week of the month. Some meetings are large, 50 people or more, while others are smaller like the one you went to. Daytime meetings such as I've attended lately tend to be retired folks mixed w/a few who work odd shifts or are stay-at-home parents. Evening and weekend meetings are more of a cross section of people.

Anyway, glad you made it and found some benefit there--that first meeting is definitely the hardest! Like they say, keep coming back.
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