FireSprite

LOVE THIS!

I struggle with the lies - it was such a big part of RAH's drinking pattern & then his entire relapse was centered around & the result of constant, ongoing lying that he was doing even after getting sober. I don't feel like he's still currently lying, but that doesn't stop me from questioning things sometimes... waiting for "more to be revealed". (Luckily the "more" has -so far- been an apparent conscious effort to change that behavior.)

BUT, what recently occurred to me in a new way is that RAH's mom IS a horrible, outrageous, compulsive liar & has been her entire freaking life. (I went NC with her about 15 yrs ago when this came to light)

So RAH was literally raised with this effd up barometer of measuring truths. No wonder our definitions of black/white/grey lines are so different at times. He literally did not understand what I even meant about "lies by omission" when the topic came up one day..... he really thought I was just nit-picking at him & I thought he was just being an a-hole.

Even with an addict for a father, we were not raised with this sense of lying being acceptable..... I can't help but wonder at how much more ingrained it is in him than I ever realized.

To answer one of your questions though - I fully expect that RAH started his sobriety anniversary date over again in Oct when he relapsed, even though it was only one day/incident.... especially since he hadn't been WORKING the honesty part of the program at all, obviously. But I haven't asked him if that is the way he is approaching it or not; it's what *I* consider his anniversary date, it's the one that will matter to me.

**ETA - Oh, and I totally agree with Carlotta - you are damned if you do/don't, either way I think. Follow your gut