Saturation effect.
Quite literally when it comes to my liver, probably.
20 days sober, I haven't even wanted to drink - and ****, I experienced finding out one of the most horrfically ****** up things imaginable. It briefly crossed my mind that typically I would get ****-faced... but I did not. I sat there and dealt with my feelings.
Its probably helping that I got on buspar before the big quit. I anticipated needing a little assistance.
Most of 2013 I was completely ****-faced at least every other night. I found out the fiancee's "low sex-drive" was a lie, and that he had developed a taste for porn which resulted in losing interest in putting the effort into actual physical intimacy with me.
Then I became intimate with a close friend, which resulted in bad blood.
Lots of dark feelings...
I just reached a point where it was all SICKENING. Drowning it all and feeling just, an endless pattern of inebriation, sickness, all leading down the spiral of failure and depression.
It was the 29th that I'd had enough. I realized that I'd lost a year doing nothing but drinking. Well, another year. I had lost many before that too, letting depression get the best of me when I was vulnerable.
I decided something. If I take another sip this year, I may as well kiss 2014 goodbye too. Seal my fate as a loser.
I don't want that.