I'm sorry, Kathcie
The kids really do absorb much more than we realize. On the ultimatum, it really doesn't matter if your AH is drinking or not drinking. You are allowed to change your mind at any time. The ultimatum was not a binding, written contract that you have to hold yourself to (he is doing x, therefore, I have to do y.) You are allowed to do what you believe is best, regardless of whether your AH is drinking or sober. If you've had enough, you've had enough. Period, end of story. You can just say "This isn't working. I am done."
That said, I agree with, hopeful. You don't have to tell him now. You can work on an exit strategy and still take it one day at a time. Once your plan is in place, then you have the choice. You can choose to go or you can choose to stay. You'll have had more time to see what he is or isn't doing and be better informed and better equipped to make the best possible decision for you and your children. If leaving right now is not an option, then you have the freedom to... not choose yet
