Thanks all for the kind words and support. I must admit that just posting my story (a very small portion of my poor behavior) I feel like a weight has lifted as I was actually honest for once about my drinking.
For over 20 years (on and off) I have been lying and manipulating to cover for my "closest friend" (alcohol.) And for what? Absolutely nothing!
It's as almost as I am having a moment of clarity today that I have not had before. I just feel so repulsed by the constant "wash, rinse, repeat" as this site puts it, that I have been doing for so long.
Looking back I cannot think of one instance that my drinking made my life better or enhanced any moment of anything I was doing while drinking.
Right now, I have this feeling of great anger (not an angry drunk), shame and disgust for myself. I have been reading this site and thinking about my own life and all of the time wasted. I just sit here and think Why? Why do I get drunk? why am I always drunk? Why does everything revolve around my drinking? Why can't I be the one or two only beer guy? Why in the hell did it take so long to come to this conclusion?
I am a pretty even keel guy, but I have to be honest, I am furious at myself.